Monday, December 01, 2008

Eleven months

The eleventh month has seemed much longer than ones preceding it. There have been a lot of difficult occasions in it to be weathered.

I'm only able to write this (somewhat) coherent post because I have the support of family, friends, colleagues, professional caregivers, Wiccan community, music community, online community, and strangers with their everyday sympathetic kindness.
It is all those people and their overwhelming kindness that I am most thankful for. I am also grateful for those qualities within myself that have kept me going. My relentless determination seems to be intact. I don't give up, even when it's arguable that I should. I'm perverse that way.

I am grateful that I am not living on the street. I am grateful that I am financially secure for the time being. I am grateful that I am not being shot at overseas or exploited or beaten.

I don't want anybody to go through what I've gone through and I pray that they don't. I am so sorry for the anguish of everyone who already has. If there is anything more profoundly horrifying than what I've gone through, I don't want to experience it. I don't want anybody to.

Paul made me feel like anything was possible. Now, I have to accept that "anything" is not possible (Barack notwithstanding). If it were, Paul would still be here.

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